Dealing with grief

Sept 28, 2008

I thought I was being very clever teaching the children about who Jesus is and what he did on the cross according to Isaiah 53 at HoB church last night…

He took our griefs and sorrows…

In that room there is a deep well of griefs and an ocean of sorrow, much of it is mine but as I looked around I realized the children’s.

Teresa’s baby brother died on her back as she was trying to care for him after her mother’s death when she was just eight.

Julia had cared for a baby at another orphanage that died in her arms.

Mangueze had just cried with me that day as he once again expressed his grief over the loss of his beloved little brother earlier this year.

Dauce lost his father just a few months ago and then there was his mother, the widow along with the younger siblings there in the room.

These are just a few.

Because I know each story I know that not one has been untouched by terrible grief and deep sorrow. The kind of grief they have had in their lives should by all means have debilitated them but it hasn’t. I watch them play and sing joyfully. I see them learn, love and serve freely, enjoying this life.

They are teaching me Isaiah 53; they are living it out before me.

Oct 4, 2008

I think I am beginning to understand Job.

We all have a shallow level and a deep part. Job was experiencing God and life in his shallow parts until suffering came. Then he fell head-long into the deep well of grief. Before he realized how deep the well was he boldly spoke, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

And again, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and shall we not accept adversity?”

These words were spoken in Job’s shallow parts.

I too spoke boldly after my youngest son, Ezra’s death grasping desperately for comfort and understanding. Then I fell head-long into the well of grief, into my deep parts. Sometimes these days my words are like Job’s, “I long for the years gone by when God took care of me, when He lit up the way before me and I walked safely through the darkness (in that shallow place), when I was in my prime. God’s friendship was felt in my home. The Almighty was still with me and my children were around me. All who heard me praised me, all who saw me spoke well of me, for I assisted the poor in their need and the orphans who required help. I helped those without hope and they blessed me. And I caused the widow’s heart to sing for joy.”

Job 29:1-5,11

Finding God in my deep parts, grief being a companion is difficult a times but I know He is there because He is always there, He is faithful and He knows grief personally. It is Him that makes me know that I will see Ezra again just like He saw His own son again.